Living as God's Beloved: The Freedom You Find When You Finally Surrender Control to God

Erin Schwab
2 days ago
5 min read

#24 in the Living as God's Beloved Series

Open hands releasing a butterfly into sky, symbolizing surrendering control to God and finding freedom in faith

The Grip That Won't Let Go

There's a kind of exhaustion that doesn't come from doing too much.

It comes from holding on too tight.

Holding on to outcomes you can't control. Holding on to the approval you're not sure you've earned. Holding on to a version of yourself you've been performing for years. Maybe you recognize yourself in one of these moments:

Moment One.

She was the one everyone counted on. Competent. Capable. Always had a plan. But lately, the plans weren't working out. A relationship she'd carefully tended had grown distant. A project she'd poured herself into had stalled. And no matter how hard she thought, how many conversations she replayed, how many solutions she mapped out — nothing felt resolved.

She wasn't lazy. She wasn't faithless. She was gripping.

And she was worn out from it.

Moment Two.

He had said yes for so long that he wasn't sure what he actually wanted anymore. Yes to the extra responsibility. Yes to staying late. Yes to being available. He believed that being needed meant he was loved. That serving meant he was valuable.

But underneath all the yes-giving was a quiet fear: If I stop being useful, will anyone stay?

Moment Three.

She had pulled back. Life had disappointed her more than once, and she'd learned to protect herself by keeping her expectations low, her circle small, her hope carefully contained. She told herself she was being realistic. Wise, even.

But truthfully, she was afraid. Afraid to want something and lose it again. Afraid to trust someone — even God — with the tender places she'd learned to guard.

Three different people. Three different patterns. One shared struggle:

The belief that holding on keeps us safe.

But what if the very thing we're gripping is the thing keeping us from being free?

What Surrendering Control to God Actually Means

The word surrender can feel frightening. It sounds like losing. Like giving up. Like weakness.

But Tim Keller points to a truth woven all through the New Testament that quietly turns this upside down:

We are free through submission. Free through service. Free through surrender to a liberating love.

This is not the world's idea of freedom.

The world says freedom means having no one over you — no constraints, no obligations, no one else's will shaping yours.

But Keller notes that this kind of freedom is actually a trap.

Because if you are not surrendered to God, you are surrendered to something else.

You are serving your need for control.

Or your hunger for approval.

Or your fear of pain.

You are controlled by whatever you most deeply want.

As he puts it: whatever you seek is your lord.

The woman who must always have a plan is being controlled by the need to feel safe.

The man who can't stop giving is being controlled by the fear of rejection.

The one who holds back is being controlled by the fear of loss.

They are not free. They are captive — to something far less trustworthy than God. (You can listen to Tim Keller's podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/our-walk-the-freedom-of-submission/id352660924?i=1000762374597 )

The Paradox That Changes Everything

Jesus said something that has never stopped being surprising:

"For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." — Matthew 16:25

This is the great paradox of the gospel.

You do not find yourself by clutching yourself more tightly.

You find yourself by releasing yourself — into the hands of the One who made you and knows you and loves you.

Surrendering control to God is not the end of you. It is where the real you begins.

When you release the need to control every outcome, you stop being defined by outcomes.

When you stop performing for approval, you discover that you are already beloved.

When you stop protecting yourself from loss, you find that you were never alone in the first place.

This is what it means to live as God's beloved: Not striving. Not gripping. Not performing.

Resting in the One who holds all things — including you.

What Gets Released When We Surrender

For the woman who grips: Surrender says, I don't have to hold this together. God holds me. She can bring her plans to Him, lay them open, and trust that He is working in the things she cannot see. She begins to live from peace rather than control.

For the man who performs: Surrender says, I don't have to earn love. I am already loved. He can begin to serve from fullness instead of fear — giving because he is secure, not because he is afraid of what happens if he stops. He begins to discover what he actually wants, what he actually feels, who he actually is.

For the one who withdraws: Surrender says, God can be trusted with the tender places. She doesn't have to protect herself from hope. She can bring her guarded heart — carefully, honestly — to a Father whose love does not disappoint. She begins to open, slowly, like a window letting in light.

The God We Are Surrendering To

It matters enormously who we are surrendering to.

We are not surrendering to fate. Not to chance. Not to a distant deity who will use us up.

We are surrendering to the God who formed you before you were born. The God who calls you by name. The God who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for you. The God whose love, Paul writes, is the love from which nothing in all creation can separate us. (Romans 8:39)

This is not a risky surrender. It is the safest thing you will ever do.

As the Psalmist writes:

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken." — Psalm 62:1–2

The rock doesn't move. The fortress doesn't fail. And you were always meant to live from that place.

A Gentle Invitation

Where are you gripping right now?

Take a moment — not to fix anything, not to figure it out — but simply to notice.

Is there something you're working hard to hold together?

Is there something you're performing, hoping to finally feel like enough?

Is there something you've shut away, afraid of what might happen if you hoped again?

You don't have to have it all sorted out before you come to God with it.

You can come with your grip still showing. You can say, Lord, I don't know how to let this go. But I want to.

That is the beginning of surrender. And that is where freedom starts.

Scripture for Meditation

Matthew 16:25 — "Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."

Psalm 62:1–2 — "My soul finds rest in God alone… He is my fortress, I will never be shaken."

Romans 8:38–39 — "Neither death nor life… nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Takeaway

You were not made to hold it all together. You were made to be held.

Coaching Invitation

If you find yourself exhausted from gripping — from controlling, performing, or withdrawing — you are not alone. Many people carry this for years without realizing that there is another way to live.

Coaching can be a space to: